Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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