My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
