I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
