What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize