and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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