woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is my gift to your gina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
