Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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