he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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