I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
