Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
