Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
