Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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