quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
