I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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