I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
