glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
