i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
