Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Barsexuality is the new black.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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