Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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