i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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