I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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