Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
