My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
