it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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