He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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