She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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