Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
