I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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