one two three fourrrrnication!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
