So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
