SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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