Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
