We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
