yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
