apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
