another moral hangover. fuck.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize