I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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