whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry about my life...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
