At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
