They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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