Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
