Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
