The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
