I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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