so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
