he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
