Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
