I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
