I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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