If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will be naked everywhere
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize