I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
