When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
