Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
