hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
