Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
