I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
