His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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