Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
is it fun? or sober?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
