If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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