I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
