Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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