you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Barsexuality is the new black.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
