there's paper in my vomit.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
