its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
