I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
