Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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